Revenge
By: Will Schenker
Waiting in the line at the bank, Blaze Florence, an eight year old from
the Bronx, plays with his iPod while his dad talks to Mr. Prost, a
heavy man that his dad worked with back in the days. Turning off his
iPod, Blaze glanced at the door counting 5 masked people walking in.
One of them shot the security quickly while the other four fired one
shot at the ceiling. Everyone proned on the cold marble floor and
listened for what the men had to say after a gunshot silenced the bank.
“All of the kids and moms, go stand in the corner. All of the rest of you stay down. If you move, you will die,” the tallest one screamed.
All five of them scattered about and grabbed as much money as they
could. As Blaze peaked out from behind Mr. Prost`s wife, two men stood
up and shot three masked men quickly. One of them went down shooting
everywhere and hit Ari Prost in the stomach. she trembled down to the
ground. The other two men came out from the back and shot the two men
who tried saving us and two ladies and a child were escaping.
The other six men were dragged up. The leader (the tallest one) took
out a Mini Uzi and killed half of them, shooting at any body part. All
that was left was some short guy, Mr. Prost and Dom Florence, Blaze`s
dad.
“Only one of you can live, and I will decide which one,” the leader shouted.
Fear
was struck into Blaze`s heart. Questions dashed through his mind.
Blaze knew that either Mr. Prost or his dad would die, or sadly, even
both. Now Blaze could feel the warm tears sliding off of his cheeks.
“Seeing
that your wife is already dead, I don't see a particular reason to keep
you. Jeffrey, come over here and let this man see his wife in heaven.”
Jeff
listened to the leader`s demands and put the silenced pistol on his
back. The bank went quiet again after seeing Mr. Prost fall to the
floor.
“The
rest of you who are still alive, walk in front of the door,” the leader
shouted with panic in his voice. “Alright, now you little boy
(referring to Blaze), open the doors slowly. Everyone follow him slowly
or you will join the rest of the people in the bank.”
With
police lowering their guns as the hostages walked out, one last bang
put everybody in fear. As people scattered about, Blaze pushed through
the small crowd to find his dad, laying on the sidewalk. Blake could
see Jeff and the leader run around the corner. Blaze squeezed his dad's
hand, put his head on his dad's chest and let out a loud scream. Police
officers then lifted Blaze off the ground and brought him to the
station. Blaze described everything that he could remember too a couple
officers.
“I want to be a cop so I can kill the guy that killed my dad,” Blazed yelled into the officer's face.
“I
know how you feel little boy, but you are too young just wait a few
more years. Then we will hunt the guy down if we have not already,” the
officer replied.
Blaze
did exactly that. One week after his nineteenth birthday, he received
his badge and gun and was accepted into the N.Y.P.D. Blaze met with the
officer eleven years ago and he gave him the file Blaze was waiting
for: the bank robbery from July 14th, 2004. Blaze looked at all five
suspects and read each profile. Carlos and Juan Revis, two brothers
were the two that died in the bank, Julio Rivera died in the hospital.
Julio was the one who shot Ari Prost while stumbling down Blaze
remembered. The two men that escaped alive were Jeffrey Ramirez and
Juarez Rojas. Jeff was the one who shot Mr. Prost. The man Blaze
wanted was Juarez. The man who would pay for his dad's death.
“Do we have any idea where the two men that are left are?”
“Well
Blaze, we know that Jeff was caught in a holdup at a gas station in
downtown and is serving life. Juarez though, has disappeared since the
bank robbery.
“Hold on boys.” Everyone looked to the door to find a female holding up a piece of paper.
“Blaze,
this is our in tel officer, Abbio Godecki. Abbio, this is our new
recruitment, Blaze Florence. He is working with me on this one.”
“Well
Blaze and Captain Matthew Hastings, I got a hit on Juarez Rojas.
Security at a hotel said he just checked in. I will send the address
to your phones”.
Blaze and Matt hopped into the cruiser and flew into Syracuse. They pulled up right in front of the hotel.
“Which
room did Juarez Rojas check into,” Matt asked the front desk, flashing
his badge. “Room 32 on the fourth floor,” she replied smiling while
Blaze waited for the elevator and Hastings rushed up the staircase.
When
Blaze and Matt met up again, they found an unconscious service worker
in front of the door. Blaze helped the man up. His name was Joe,
according to the name tag. Captain Hastings broke down the door and
found Juarez sitting on his bed looking out the window. Blaze got up
slowly and was knocked down by Joe. Joe reached for the gun on Blaze`s
belt, grabbed it and aimed at Matthew. Hastings focused on Joe now,
allowed Juarez to put a bullet into Matt`s back. Captain Hastings
rolled over and fired a bullet right into Joe`s forehead. He quickly
then aimed for Juarez who shot him five time before he could pull the
trigger.
When Blaze regained consciousness, he was tied to a chair with blood dripping off of his forehead.
“So we meet again little boy.”
“You'll never get away with this.”
“But
I will. If I die, I'll have more people replace me and hunt you and
your family down. So don`t think you even stand a chance.”
Juarez then loaded a gun, aimed it at Blaze and smiled.
“Sweet dreams,” he chuckled.
Just
as his finger was ready to squeeze the trigger, Blaze kicked Juarez
below the belt and hit the chair against him. Blaze ran backwards into a
wall freeing himself as the chair broke too many pieces. He tackled
Rojas to the ground and both of them started fighting. Blaze grabbed
the gun and shot him right in the leg.
“This
is for my father you son of a gun,” Blaze said as serious as he could
placing the handcuffs around Juarez`s wrists. “You are under arrest
Juarez Rojas. Anything you say or do can be used against you in the
court of law.”
When Blaze arrived back at the station, Juarez was put into a cell, and Blaze asked about Matt Hastings.
“He
will be fine. That is why we all wear out bullet proof vests,” Abbio
answered. “Why didn't you kill the guy when you had the chance?”
“Because I believe in doing the right thing than seeking for revenge.”
1. The conflict of the story was when Blaze is tied to a chair and Juarez is pointing a gun at him about to shoot him. I was very interested in the resoultuion and the conflict was very dramatic.
ReplyDelete2. The character changes over time when he becomes a cop who hunts down his father's killer. In the end he brings him to jail for justice. This change is important because this is how Juarez gets caught.
3. My favorite part of the story is the climax when I don't know whether Juarez is going to win or Blaze will win. I liked this quote because it was right when the climax happened."Juarez then loaded a gun, aimed it at Blaze and smiled.
“Sweet dreams,” he chuckled."
4. The tale's best quality is the characters and the conflict. The conflict is very suspenseful and dramatic.
5. The story's theme is revenge because Blaze is searching for his dad's killer to get revenge.
6. I don't have any suggestions for revision.